Wrestlemania XXIX Predictions

Wrestlemania XXIX is live tomorrow night at 7pm Eastern (6pm pre-show). As I did for the Royal Rumble, I’ll be analyzing each announced match and provide my predictions. While most of the main matches should be pretty straight forward in terms of outcome, I’ll try to provide some insight as to what could make each match steal the show.

Rhodes Scholars and The Bella Twins vs. Tons of Funk and The Funkadactyls

What should happen: This match goes less than four minutes and none of the female wrestlers hit the ring. The Diva’s division is a far cry from when Lita and Trish Stratus were main eventing Raw.

What will happen: Damien Sandow and Cody Rhodes will get buried by a team that dances more than it wrestles.

Worst case scenario: Tensai has a wardrobe malfunction.

How it could steal the show: A freak Nor’Easter destroys New York after the match.

The Miz vs. Wade Barrett (c) for the Intercontinential Championship

What should happen: Barrett retains the title in a match that has good back and forth action.

What will happen: Miz takes the title in the WWE’s last gasp attempt to put him over as a face.

Worst case scenario: Miz attempts the Figure-Four.

How it could steal the show: Barrett counters the Figure-Four Leglock with a kneeling Bullhammer Elbow.

Chris Jericho vs. Fandango

What should happen: Jericho puts over Fandango with…whatever the hell Fandango does?

What will happen: No…seriously…what the hell does Fandango do?

Worst case scenario: Either wrestler wins in 18 seconds.

How it could steal the show: Fandango is half as technically sound in the ring as Jericho.

Brock Lesnar vs. Triple H

What should happen: This match doesn’t happen.

What will happen: IT’S ALL ABOUT THE GAME. AGAIN.

Worst case scenario: See above.

How it could steal the show:  Lesnar actually hits a Shooting Star Press or Trips reverts to his DX-era talent without the DX persona.

Dolph Ziggler and Big E. Langston vs. Team Hell No (c) for the Tag Team Championship

What should happen: Ziggler pins Kane/Bryan on the way to picking up a dual championship on the grandest stage of them all. Kane and Bryan finally split in one of the biggest blowups in wrestling history.

What will happen: Kane/Bryan cost the other the match, leading to the team split while not giving any credibility to Ziggler/Langston.

Worst case scenario: The match has some sort of convoluted ending where AJ Lee switches alliances multiple times.

How it could steal the show: Ten minutes of Daniel Bryan vs. Dolph Ziggler

Ryback vs. Mark Henry

What should happen: Henry continues his reign of terror, inducting Ryback into the Hall of Pain and ending the push of Goldberg 2.0.

What will happen: Ryback delivers a Shellshocked to Henry. Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler act like it’s the biggest happening wince Hogan slammed Andre, when in reality it’ll mean nothing.

Worst case scenario: Mark Henry isn’t allowed to speak during the match.

How it could steal the show: Mark Henry redebuts his Sexual Chocolate gimmick with Handteen in his corner.

Jack Swagger vs. Alberto del Rio (c) for the World Heavyweight Championship

What should happen: Swagger beats Del Rio in a hard fought match, only for Dolph Ziggler to cash in Money in the Bank on his former teammate and win the title.

What will happen: Del Rio beats Swagger in a hard fought match, only for Dolph Ziggler to cash in Money in the Bank win the title.

Worst case scenario: Del Rio wins clean, quickly, and with no cash in.

How it could steal the show: Ziggler cashes in OR Swagger goes on a Glenn Beck-esque rant and manages to offend every living Republican. Alternatively, Zeb Coulter comes out dressed like Yosemite Sam.

Randy Orton, Sheamus, and Big Show vs. The Shield

What should happen: Shield wins clean with no outside help.

What will happen: Either the faces go over since this is Wrestlemania OR one of them (Orton?) turns heel to help Shield win.

Worst case scenario: The Shield loses clean.

How it could steal the show: Orton turns on Show and Sheamus, revealing himself to be in cahoots with The Shield. There is another option that exists though…more on that in a moment.

John Cena vs. The Rock (c) for the WWE Championship

What should happen: Rock drops the title to CM Punk before Wrestlemania, somehow, someway.

What will happen: Super Cena wins one for The Kids and The Troops (TM).

Worst case scenario: See above.

How it could steal the show: Cena turns heel and reveals himself to be the leader of The Shield (particularly if he wins).

CM Punk vs The Undertaker

What should happen: Taker goes to 21-0, setting up for a double retirement match at Wrestlemania 30 versus Kane.

What will happen: Punk gets under the skin of Taker, nearly getting him disqualified before Taker gets Punk to tap to Hell’s Gate.

Worst case scenario: This match is given less than 20 minutes.

How it could steal the show: So long as Cena doesn’t turn heel, this match is all but guaranteed to be the moment of the night.

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